You want to be cool don’t you? Sure you do, it’s probably the most important thing in life. At the moment chances are that you are NOT cool as only a very small percentage of people actually are cool (Arnie and Stallone make up a large percentage of all the cool). However the good news is you can be BETTER. Note that I only used action films for research but I don’t think that’s a problem.
Here is how to be a better person:
- Start smoking cigars – but they’re bad for your health right? Wrong.
- Wear shades – preferably aviators.
- Shave your head or have really cool gelled hair that NEVER goes flat
- Grow stubble or a moustache (think Burt Reynolds)
- Go to the gym EVERY DAY
- Wear tighter clothes OR very baggy eighties shirts
- Wear a bandana (selectively)
- Carry weapons – but that’s illegal right? Wrong.
- End disputes by punching people in the face
- Swear more – particular favourites are ‘asshole’, ‘assclown’, ‘shithead’, ‘fuck you’ and ‘yipee-ki-yay motherfucker’
- Eat raw eggs for breakfast
- Sleep with a gun under your pillow
- Stitch closed your own wounds
- Never obey authority
- Tuck your shirt into your jeans
- Take your top off at any opportunity
- Be a little bit dirty at all times
- Wear Brut
I do all of these things!! except the the gym and raw eggs